First Cause
  • Home
  • About Us
    • Global >
      • United States
      • Africa
      • Democratic Republic of Congo
      • Guatemala
      • India
      • Kenya
      • Mexico
      • Nicaragua
      • Nigeria
      • Peru
      • Rwanda
      • Sweden
      • Tanzania
      • Uganda
    • Leadership
    • Our Team
    • Our Statement of Faith
  • Training
  • Leader Resources
    • Outreach
    • Quotes A-C
    • Quotes D-F
    • Quotes G-K
    • Quotes L-O
    • Quotes P-R
    • Quotes S-U
    • Quotes V-Z
    • Worship
    • Testimonials
    • Annual Newsletter
  • Leader Podcasts
  • Blog
  • Prayer
    • A Link In The Chain
    • Prayer Request
    • Long Eternal Line
  • STORE
  • Contact
  • Donate
  • Inicio
  • Nosotros
    • Liderazgo
    • Equipo
  • Capacitacion
  • Eventos
  • Blog Devocionales
  • Galeria
  • Contacto
  • Link Page
  • Home
  • About Us
    • Global >
      • United States
      • Africa
      • Democratic Republic of Congo
      • Guatemala
      • India
      • Kenya
      • Mexico
      • Nicaragua
      • Nigeria
      • Peru
      • Rwanda
      • Sweden
      • Tanzania
      • Uganda
    • Leadership
    • Our Team
    • Our Statement of Faith
  • Training
  • Leader Resources
    • Outreach
    • Quotes A-C
    • Quotes D-F
    • Quotes G-K
    • Quotes L-O
    • Quotes P-R
    • Quotes S-U
    • Quotes V-Z
    • Worship
    • Testimonials
    • Annual Newsletter
  • Leader Podcasts
  • Blog
  • Prayer
    • A Link In The Chain
    • Prayer Request
    • Long Eternal Line
  • STORE
  • Contact
  • Donate
  • Inicio
  • Nosotros
    • Liderazgo
    • Equipo
  • Capacitacion
  • Eventos
  • Blog Devocionales
  • Galeria
  • Contacto
  • Link Page
Search by typing & pressing enter

YOUR CART

Reveration Blog

10/11/2021 0 Comments

Triangulation

Picture
Meditation
Proverbs 26:20--Without wood, fire goes out; without a gossip, conflict dies down

Dr. Henry Cloud shares a concept called triangulation in his book The Power Of The Other. Triangulation sets up what he calls the victim-persecutor-rescuer (VPR) triad.  I’m A and you are B and someone else is C. If I’m bothered by something you, B, have done, disagree with you or somehow feel victimized by you, this makes you the persecutor.  Rather than go to you and share my concerns I go to C and share making C the rescuer. I want C’s support. This then becomes triangulation and it is always wrong despite the many reasons Christians contrive to justify this behavior.
 Yperen notes five excuses people use to justify triangulation and useful steps to stop this behavior.[1]
1.  Legalism—since the issue was not technically sin it was not necessary to apply Matthew 18:15 and go directly to B to share.
2.  Minimizing—the issue is too small to be worth confronting. But if this is true why is A going to C?  People also can build up a lot of unresolved “small” issues that later boil over.
3.  Blaming—B is too hard to talk to so it is safer and easier to go to C.  The Bible does not say Matthew 18:15 does not apply for difficult people.
4.  False humility—A says “maybe I’m part of the problem so I needed to talk to C or others to get their opinion. 
5.  False compassion—A does not want to hurt or judge B so going to C is a better technique.  
           
Despite these excuses, gossiping or talking behind someone’s back takes place and, in each case, if B found out what A was doing with C there would be legitimate hurt for B. The best way to stop triangulation is for C to stop A and say have you spoken with B yet?  If not, warn A not to talk about B behind B’s back. C should encourage A to go speak with B and defuse the conflict.  Hold A accountable to do what is right by checking back later to see if A followed through by speaking to B. 
           
Remember triangulation is “an affront to the Cross because it robs a fellow believer of the opportunity for understanding, forgiveness and reconciliation.”[2] It makes the problem worse than it truly is and if left unchecked it can kill fellowship.  It is like throwing wood on a fire. Our responsibility as Christians is to go to a fellow brother or sister and clear up conflict, reconcile and bring peace.  This glorifies God, defeats Satan’s agenda and makes fellowship strong.  Something to think about . . . in reveration!
 
Inspiration
But conflict resolution is getting people who are at odds with one another—vociferously and sometimes angrily at odds with one another—bringing them together and getting them to make a human connection. —James Autry quoted by Larry C. Spears in Practicing Servant Leadership
 
©2021 Daniel York  ARR.  Reveration is the weekly devotional ministry of First Cause.  If you would like to receive these devotionals go to www.firstcause.org and click on the “Click here to receive weekly devotionals” box.  Unlimited permission to copy this devotional without altering text or profiteering is allowed subject to inclusion of this copyright notice.     
 
Ecclesiastes 12:10-The Teacher sought to find delightful sayings and to accurately write words of truth.  (Holman CSB)


[1] Yperen, J. V. (2002). Making peace: A guide to overcoming church conflict. Moody Publishers.
[2] Ibid


0 Comments


Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    Categories

    All
    Abiding
    Ability
    Accountability
    Accusations
    Action
    Adaptable
    Admonish
    Adversity
    Advice
    Agreement
    Alert
    Alliance
    Ambition
    Angels
    Anger
    Anointing
    Arguing
    Aspiration
    Assumptions
    Attitude
    Attributes
    Authority
    Available
    Awareness
    Balance
    Baptism
    Belief
    Betrayal
    Bible
    Bitterness
    Blessings
    Blood
    Bold
    Boundaries
    Bribery
    Burn Out
    Busyness
    Calling
    Calm
    Care
    Causes
    Challenges
    Change
    Character
    Children
    Choices
    Christmas
    Comfort
    Commitment
    Communication
    Communion
    Community
    Comparison
    Compassion
    Complacency
    Complaining
    Compromise
    Concern
    Conduct
    Confession
    Confrontation
    Confusion
    Conscience
    Consent
    Considerate
    Contentment
    Context
    Corruption
    Courage
    Craving
    Creation
    Creativity
    Criticism
    Curiosity
    Dark
    Death
    Deception
    Decision Making
    Dedication
    Delay
    Deliverance
    Demons
    Depression
    Despair
    Discernment
    Discipleship
    Discipline
    Discouragement
    Dishonesty
    Disobedience
    Disrespect
    Divine Appointment
    Divisive
    Dogmatic
    Doubt
    Duty
    Easter
    Edify
    Emotion
    Empathy
    Encouragement
    Endurance
    Envy
    Eternity
    Ethics
    Evangelism
    Evolution
    Example
    Excuses
    Experience
    Failure
    Faith
    Faithful
    Fasting
    Fathers
    Favor
    Fear
    Feedback
    Fellowship
    Flesh
    Focus
    Follow
    Foolishness
    Forgiveness
    Freedom
    Friendly
    Friendship
    Fruit
    Gentle
    Giving
    Glory
    Goals
    God
    God Fearing
    Godly
    Gods Love
    Gods Promises
    Good Friday
    Gossip
    Government
    Grace
    Grumbling
    Guidance
    Habit
    Happiness
    Healing
    Healthy
    Heart
    Heaven
    Hell
    Help
    Heresy
    Heroism
    History
    Holidays
    Holiness
    Holy Spirit
    Honor
    Hope
    Humility
    Hypocrisy
    Idolatry
    Image
    Immorality
    Incompetent
    Inconsistent
    Ingratitude
    Inheritance
    Initiative
    Insecurity
    Inspiration
    Integrity
    Interference
    Isolation
    Israel
    Jealousy
    Jesus
    Joy
    Judgment
    Justice
    Justification
    Kindness
    Knowledge
    Language
    Laughter
    Law
    Lazy
    Leadership
    Learning
    Legalism
    Life
    Light
    Listening
    Lonely
    Love
    Loyalty
    Lying
    Marriage
    Meaning
    Meditation
    Memorial
    Mentor
    Mercy
    Mind
    Ministry
    Miracles
    Money
    Music
    Name
    Obedient
    Observation
    Opportunity
    Opposition
    Pain
    Parables
    Parenting
    Passion
    Patience
    Peace
    Perseverance
    Philosophies
    Plan
    Poem
    Poor
    Possessions
    Power
    Praise
    Prayer
    Prayer For Leaders
    Prejudice
    Preparation
    Pressure
    Pride
    Priorities
    Profiles
    Promises
    Protection
    Providence
    Provision
    Prudence
    Psalms
    Punishment
    Purpose
    Questions
    Rebellious
    Rebuke
    Recognition
    Reconcilation
    Redemption
    Relativism
    Relevance
    Religion
    Repentance
    Repetition
    Reputation
    Respect
    Responsible
    Rest
    Restoration
    Revenge
    Revival
    Reward
    Righteous
    Role
    Sacrifice
    Safety
    Salvation
    Satan
    Security
    Selection
    Self
    Self Righteous
    Self-righteous
    Sensitive
    Serving
    Sickness
    Silence
    Sin
    Sincerity
    Sorrow
    Soul
    Speech
    Spiritual Disciplines
    Spiritual Gifts
    Spiritual Growth
    Spiritual Warfare
    Status
    Stewardship
    Strategy
    Strengths
    Stress
    Stubborn
    Submission
    Success
    Suffering
    Suicide
    Teaching
    Team
    Temple
    Temptation
    Testimony
    Testing
    Thankful
    Theology
    Thinking
    Thoughtful
    Time
    Tradition
    Training
    Transformation
    Travel
    Trinity
    Trouble
    Trust
    Truth
    Understanding
    Unequal
    Unity
    Values
    Victory
    Virtue
    Vision
    Warning
    Weakness
    Will
    Wisdom
    Witness
    Work
    Worry
    Worship
    Youth
    Zeal

Picture

Contacts

Picture
Picture
Picture
Picture
Picture
Photo from Rachel Maxey Miles